“We need you all to come back to the office so we can collaborate, be creative and innovate”
Are you sure?
“Absolutely”
So how does, say, innovation work?
“We don’t really know but it needs you all to be in the office so that the business fairy can sprinkle you with magic dust, or something like that”
Wait.
So we all have to spend precious time and energy getting togged up and commuting into the office every day just so that, on the off chance, something random might happen that may or may not be beneficial to the business.
“Yep. That’s the only way it works.”
But you don’t know how it works.
“Er. no. But we’re totally sure you need to be in the office so that it does.”
O-O-O-K. Let’s try collaboration. How does that work?
“Well, you get together and you create something”
That’s it?
“Yep.”
But we sit at out desks all day working on our own. And we can’t get together because there aren’t enough meeting rooms, so we have to go out to the coffee shop.
To be honest, I get more done when I’m NOT in the office. I’d rather work from home.
“Ah, so you’re one of those malingers who are not really committed to the company, are you? Maybe you’re not a good fit for our culture after all”
Yeah, well, don’t worry. I’m working on that.
I’ll be emailing you any day now …